I think generally this forum is a welcoming and productive community - I try hard to keep it that way and prevent it becoming your typical internet furnace of flaming, while also allowing people to be liberal in what they say. It's a difficult (even contradictory) balancing act, but I won't stop trying, I'm sure it's possible. Most other forums I know either let the flamewars rage (even with admins joining in!) or simply shrug and delete anything borderline, and I don't like those extremes.
Also I don't buy for a second any of this "he started it" rubbish. If someone is rude to you in real life, the best way to deal with it is keep cool. Think what a third party impartial observer sees - if they see two people shouting each other down, they don't care for either person. If one is getting angry and rude and the other is politely and cooly trying to sort things out, you're obviously going to side with the calm one. It works in real life, and it works on a forum too. I don't see why so many people don't get that and still try to fight fire with fire.