writing feedback requested

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  • Hi All!

    I am making an arcade style adventure game. The story will have some veiled parallels with what is happening in America with Russia, Trump, and Mueller.

    Here is my intro. I'm looking for help spicing it up / making it a better read.

    Any revisions are requested!

    "It was a time of Division and Greed.

    The Kingdom, mired in conflict, was slowly rotting away.

    It was then that our Heroes decided to establish a magical stronghold to fight back the corruption.

    They would seek out the other magical users of the land and band together to defeat the darkness."


  • Maybe try more than 4 sentences.

  • Lol, word.

    As the player, which part of the setup would you want/expect to be more flushed out in the intro?

    Trying to keep it shortish, so gameplay can start fairly quick without a long drawn out setup.

  • If the story is going to be secondary to the gameplay, maybe break it down after each level/stage? You can still expand on the story without flooding the screen with text. That way you can touch on subjects like world power, narcissism, self-worth, etc...

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  • Thank you! This is a great idea!

    I'm not much of a story teller, so ideas like this may seem obvious to others :P

    Yes, the story is secondary to gameplay :)

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