I figured it out!
It's the *text*!
Apparently if you zoom in too much when some text is on a zooming layer, the draw calls go absolutely bananas, and the browser will eventually crash! How nobody has run into this issue, I'll never know.
Thankfully I've been able to replicate it in a blank project and I'll be submitting a bug report.
Thanks for the suggestions everyone!
Edit: Here's a link to the bug report.