Woo, fixed it with a For Each loop. I'm a bit concerned that this might slow the game down in the future, but testing it with somewhere between 50-100 instances seemed to work pretty well, and I doubt I'll need more than that.
Man that felt good.
@SoldjahBoy Not quite sure what you mean, but doing it like this seemed to fix the problem.
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/L3V0T.png" border="0" />
If there's a better way of doing it(I literally just found out how sub-events work today), I'd very much appreciate the input. I can already tell this method of doing it is less than optimal, but it's the only one that worked, so yeah.